Good Byesss

Finally I am ALMOST ready to go on board this Saturday night. Going holiday supposed to be really fun, happy and excited. But my feelings are mixture - happy, excited, sad, down, lost, etc.

Why? Because there are many things and people I need to say Good bye to.

1st my son's friends and career at his school. The closer the departure day coming the more down I am feeling for Adam. I see alot of his friends love him and being so close to him and I know he loves them too. How would they feel? In this age will they miss each other? WIll they feeling lost? Or I am just thinking too much?

2nd the apartment that I am renting. Alot of things happened to this place, though is not a home that we bought but a place that we set up our home and life. This place is where Adam gets to know it is his home. When we come back and rent a new place...what would he think? Where is his home? Sighh..I guess I jsut worry too much.

3rd my job. Yesterday was the last day. How desperate that I wanted to leave the job and though I didn't feel sad when stepping outside the office yesterday. I do miss the place and my boss does appreciate my contribution and his wife even bought me a gift. They are doing some new business, openning a school and financial planning for construction companies. Boss and boss lady would like me to join them again when I am back. I said I will think about it. But door is always open for me.

4th my grandma and my dad. Both of them are lonely person in Malaysia. Both of them have family but no one is with them. They long for us to go back to see them, they wait for years and years and years, finally we are back, but its only a short term - 2 weeks. Basically 1 week is priority for my grandma in Ipoh. 1 week !! seems very short for us compare to N years that she has been waiting for. Shes old...shes just waiting her time to go...shes suffering...shes been torturing...shes been starved...with this condition it makes us even hard to say good bye to her. Everytime we thought it will be the last meeting for us. Everytime the farewell is absolutely hard and teary...I never saw my grandma cried. The first time I saw her cry was the last time I went back which 2 years ago. I left her and I said to her - grandma I will come back to see you again. You will be fine. But we both understood in our heart it may not be possible. I cried all the way up to KL and I was driving. My mum did the same. Farewell to my grandma is the last last thing we all want to do. This is the main thing that changes my mood for holiday. That is why my emotion is so mix up. This goes to my dad also. I know he will be sad not because I am leaving him, its because Adam. His life now, is all about Adam.